I feel it again.
That antsy stir. The agitation that makes it impossible for me to focus on a task for more than ten minutes at a time. My mind is selective. I forget names. Forget what I'm talking about. Forget what my hands are doing while my mouth is moving and words that are disconnected from my brain are coming out. It's like I'm constantly spinning, and I'm just trying to find a spot to look at each time around. Waiting for something to come in focus. Waiting and waiting. I need to be spinning toward something. I need to keep the spin from becoming a spiral.
Today was a hard day for my college football heart. K-State lost. We couldn't catch a break. Josh's face was stressed and confused and betrayed as Prince's golden boy continually got smacked on the nose. Jordy couldn't save him. It was impossible to watch. It reminded me, in a small way, of what Mom said after the Big 12 championship loss to A&M in '98. We were all so involved that she couldn't watch for most of the next season. It seems silly, improbable even. But it's nice to know that I'm not the only one in my family who is overly attached to this sport. OSU lost in the final seconds. Tears were shed. Boston College and Matt Ryan finally failed to bring it home. Even though they were #2, they always felt like the underdog. Anyone playing Bobby Bowden feels like an underdog to me. KU might be in the top 5 tomorrow. I'm spinning and spinning and spinning and trying desperately to recognize Big 12 football again. Hard day.
We finally broke down and turned on the heater today. I've been wearing three pairs of socks around the house and Hailey came home today to find me curled up on the couch, in my socks, two pairs of pants, three shirts, my hood pulled over my face and snuggled under a blanket, still shivering. We couldn't even make it to January. Jack London, I am not.
I just heard on the news that they're making a memorial picture of Greensburg, putting it on an ornament and hanging it on a Christmas tree at the White House. Um... great?
Don't forget to change your clocks, all. Happy Fall back day.
1 comment:
oh, football. Why do we do it? 'Tis better to have loved and lost... It's hard sometimes, isn't it.
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