My future (borrowed from McSweeney's dispatches)

Ten reasons to be a librarian

You totally get to classify things.

Where else are you going to ruin a person's day over a 20-cent fine?

The funky glasses make you easily mistaken for a hipster.

You can make up whatever you want and people will believe you just because you're a librarian.

You get first dibs on unclaimed items in the lost-and-found box.

You get to be in charge of buying furniture that is least likely to show a piss stain.

Playing Scrabble on the Internet can be considered "professional development."

The most stressful thing that happens is arguing with people over why they cannot view their favorite pornography website.

Get to spend two hours designing a sign that says the library will be closed for the holidays.

No one says anything when you fall asleep during a meeting.

Ten reasons not to be a librarian

Who wants to go to grad school for two years to learn theory you will never use?

Those little punk teenagers on skateboards.

People kind of expect you to know things.

If you know enough about how to find information to be a good librarian, you can definitely make more money doing something else.

People automatically assume that you have some weird fetish for cats.

People expect you to help them find things when you are not working just because you know how.

Some people think you are weird because you classify things in your house—like clothes and dishes.

Writing library policy can be about as fun as watching paint dry.

Every great idea you have is likely to get shot down as soon as someone says, "Let's form a committee to decide things."

At some point in your career, someone will, or will try to, physically assault you over something incredibly lame (like not giving him or her more time on the Internet).

Care to live vicariously through my future self? Here's more.

(All content posted while at my current job. Work is good.)