My future (borrowed from McSweeney's dispatches)

Ten reasons to be a librarian

You totally get to classify things.

Where else are you going to ruin a person's day over a 20-cent fine?

The funky glasses make you easily mistaken for a hipster.

You can make up whatever you want and people will believe you just because you're a librarian.

You get first dibs on unclaimed items in the lost-and-found box.

You get to be in charge of buying furniture that is least likely to show a piss stain.

Playing Scrabble on the Internet can be considered "professional development."

The most stressful thing that happens is arguing with people over why they cannot view their favorite pornography website.

Get to spend two hours designing a sign that says the library will be closed for the holidays.

No one says anything when you fall asleep during a meeting.

Ten reasons not to be a librarian

Who wants to go to grad school for two years to learn theory you will never use?

Those little punk teenagers on skateboards.

People kind of expect you to know things.

If you know enough about how to find information to be a good librarian, you can definitely make more money doing something else.

People automatically assume that you have some weird fetish for cats.

People expect you to help them find things when you are not working just because you know how.

Some people think you are weird because you classify things in your house—like clothes and dishes.

Writing library policy can be about as fun as watching paint dry.

Every great idea you have is likely to get shot down as soon as someone says, "Let's form a committee to decide things."

At some point in your career, someone will, or will try to, physically assault you over something incredibly lame (like not giving him or her more time on the Internet).

Care to live vicariously through my future self? Here's more.

(All content posted while at my current job. Work is good.)

25 Random things

1. I prefer salty to sugary.
2. I've turned into a bit of a loner.
3. I like watching TV by myself. Unless I've already seen it, then I like to watch it with Steven. He always laughs more than anyone.
4. If I could get paid more for my job, I would probably stay there forever.
5. I'm very picky about food and drink.
6. I'm snooty about beer. As in, I don't like to drink anything I can see through. Or anything that comes in a can.
7. I really enjoy quiet, slow movies.
8. My tolerance for violence in movies has gone way down. I don't think I would be able to watch Tarantino anymore.
9. Even though I tease Abby about it, I will put off cutting my toenails for weeks.
10. I set my alarm for an hour before I have to get up.
11. The only way I can really get up on time is if I have to go to the bathroom. So I drink a ton of water right before I go to sleep.
12. I'm obsessed with trying to figure out my real motivation for things.
13. I fear that I'm too selfish.
14. I love all things orange.
15. I spend too much money at Urban Outfitters.
16. I like to decorate my apartment with strange looking art.
17. I wish I was better at photography.
18. I hate wearing jeans.
19. I wear dresses in the winter, even when I walk to work.
20. I've become the weird lady with colored socks.
21. I wish I lived in a different decade.
22. Carnival food is my comfort food.
23. I rarely finish milk before it expires.
24. I like to write from life.
25. I always wish I had more to say.

A ha!

I discovered her.

Obviously, President-elect Barack Obama has been reading *my* blog for advice about which poet to pick for the Inauguration.

This little ditty was posted in my blog waaaaay back in July 2007.

Blues- Elizabeth Alexander

I am lazy, the laziest
girl in the world. I sleep during
the day when I want to, ’til
my face is creased and swollen,
’til my lips are dry and hot. I
eat as I please: cookies and milk
after lunch, butter and sour cream
on my baked potato, foods that
slothful people eat, that turn
yellow and opaque beneath the skin.
Sometimes come dinnertime Sunday
I am still in my nightgown, the one
with the lace trim listing because
I have not mended it. Many days
I do not exercise, only
consider it, then rub my curdy
belly and lie down. Even
my poems are lazy. I use
syllabics instead of iambs,
prefer slant to the gong of full rhyme,
write briefly while others go
for pages. And yesterday,
for example, I did not work at all!
I got in my car and I drove
to factory outlet stores, purchased
stockings and panties and socks
with my father’s money.
To think, in childhood I missed only
one day of school per year. I went
to ballet class four days a week
at four-forty-five and on
Saturdays, beginning always
with plie, ending with curtsy.
To think, I knew only industry,
the industry of my race
and of immigrants, the radio
tuned always to the station
that said, Line up your summer
job months in advance. Work hard
and do not shame your family,
who worked hard to give you what you have.
There is no sin but sloth. Burn
to a wick and keep moving.
I avoided sleep for years,
up at night replaying
evening news stories about
nearby jailbreaks, fat people
who ate fried chicken and woke up
dead. In sleep I am looking
for poems in the shape of open
V’s of birds flying in formation,
or open arms saying, I forgive you, all.

And now, that little biddy has been selected as America's 4th Inaugural poet.

All thanks to me.

Boo-yah.

New Ingrid!

A new find

The Wailin' Jennys - Long Time Traveler

A Christmas album worth endorsing

1. Winter Song - Ingrid Michaelson & Sara Bareilles
2. The Heartache Can Wait - Brandi Carlile
3. All My Bells are Ringing - Lenka
4. Sleigh Ride - KT Tunstall
5. Silver Bells - Alice Smith
6. Blue Christmas - Nicole Atkins
7. Frosty the Snowman - Fiona Apple
8. I'll Be Home for Christmas - Holly Conlan
9. Maybe Next Year (X-mas Song) - Meiko
10. White Christmas - Katy Perry
11. Mistletoe - Colbie Caillat
12. Silent Night - Priscilla Ahn
13. Winter Wonderland - Kate Havnevik
14. The Christmas Song - Catherine Feeny
15. Auld Lang Syne - (A medley including Anya Marina, Cary Brothers, Jesca Hoop, Butch Walker, and everyone else you love)

I knew it was too easy

We found our second dead mouse today.

I've got to start investing in cheaper mousetraps. And better apartment choosing ability.

Happy mouse day to you. Enjoy the feeling of not straining your ear to every sound, watching every step, and having to send Steven to the bathroom every time you need to get up in the middle of the night.

Maybe tomorrow we'll find bugs in the microwave.