Vacation time

Tomorrow I leave for Colorado, for the 15th annual Alsop family summer vacation to the Cabin. This year I will hopefully be reading more classics, so that Dad will perhaps believe that I am in the right major. This year I plan to write some each day, to take walks on my own, and to take pictures of what I see. This year I want to think less about silly relationships and more about how to make the most of the time that I have with my family. This year I want to have a relaxing vacation, without tears shed over laying the fire, or spilling orange soda, or having to get up early for morning duty. This year, I will try to let Matthew have the last piece of bacon. We'll see how it goes.

But before I go, here's another poem. Maybe this year I'll write some more poetry to share with you via this blog. At the very least, I'll have pictures.

Starfish- Eleanor Lerman

This is what life does. It lets you walk up to
the store to buy breakfast and the paper, on a
stiff knee. It lets you choose the way you have
your eggs, your coffee. Then it sits a fisherman
down beside you at the counter who says, Last night,
the channel was full of starfish. And you wonder,
is this a message, finally, or just another day?

Life lets you take the dog for a walk down to the
pond, where whole generations of biological
processes are boiling beneath the mud. Reeds
speak to you of the natural world: they whisper,
they sing. And herons pass by. Are you old
enough to appreciate the moment? Too old?
There is movement beneath the water, but it
may be nothing. There may be nothing going on.

And then life suggests that you remember the
years you ran around, the years you developed
a shocking lifestyle, advocated careless abandon,
owned a chilly heart. Upon reflection, you are
genuinely surprised to find how quiet you have
become. And then life lets you go home to think
about all this. Which you do, for quite a long time.
Later, you wake up beside your old love, the one
who never had any conditions, the one who waited
you out. This is life’s way of letting you know that
you are lucky. (It won’t give you smart or brave,
so you’ll have to settle for lucky.) Because you
were born at a good time. Because you were able
to listen when people spoke to you. Because you
stopped when you should have and started again.
So life lets you have a sandwich, and pie for your
late night dessert. (Pie for the dog, as well.) And
then life sends you back to bed, to dreamland,
while outside, the starfish drift through the channel,
with smiles on their starry faces as they head
out to deep water, to the far and boundless sea.

Yep, it's another poem

Silver-lined Heart- Taylor Mali

I’m for reckless abandon
and spontaneous celebrations of nothing at all,
like the twin flutes I kept in the trunk of my car
in a box labeled Emergency Champagne Glasses!

Raise an unexpected glass to long, cold winters
and sweet hot summers and the beautiful confusion of the times in between.
To the unexpected drenching rain that leaves you soaking
wet and smiling breathless;
“We danced in the garden in torn sheets in the rain,”
we were christened in the sanctity of the sprinkler,
can’t you hear it singing out its Hallelujah?

Here’s to the soul-expanding power
of the simply beautiful.

See, things you hate, things you despise,
multinational corporations and lies that politicians tell,
injustices that make you mad as hell,
that’s all well and good.
And as far as writing poems goes,
I guess you should.
It just might be a poem that gets Mumia released,
brings an end to terrorism or peace in the middle east.

But as far as what soothes me, what inspires and moves me,
honesty behooves me to tell you your rage doesn’t move me.
See, like the darkest of clouds my heart has a silver lining,
which does not harken to the loudest whining,
but beats and stirs and grows ever more
when I learn of the things you’re actually for.

That’s why I’m for best friends, long drives, and smiles,
nothing but the sound of thinking for miles.
For the unconditional love of dogs:
may we learn the lessons of their love by heart.
For therapy when you need it,
and poetry when you need it.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

The solution to every problem usually involves some kind of liquid,
even if it’s only Emergency Champagne
or running through the sprinkler.
Can’t you hear it calling you?

I’m for crushes not acted upon, for admiration from afar,
for the delicate and the resilient and the fragile human heart,
may it always heal stronger than it was before.
For walks in the woods, and the for the woods themselves,
by which I mean the trees. Definitely for the trees.
Window seats, and locally brewed beer,
and love letters written by hand with fountain pens:
I’m for all of these.

I’m for evolution more than revolution
unless you’re offering some kind of solution.

I’m for the courage it takes to volunteer, to say “yes,” “I believe,” and “I will.”
For the bright side, the glass half full, the silver lining,
and the optimists who consider darkness just a different kind of shining.

So don’t waste my time and your curses on verses
about what you are against, despise, and abhor.
Tell me what inspires you, what fulfills and fires you,
put your precious pen to paper and tell me what you’re for!

I'm going to make this into a poster with one of my favorite Jo Reese originals. Guess you'll have to come visit me if you want to see it.

Creative busywork

This is my picture of the day.

I also started working on my poetry project. The design part took about ten minutes. The computer part took seven hours. I still have no idea what it will look like when I pick it up from Wal-Mart. I was planning on posting a picture, but I got impatient. Instead, you can look at this nice picture that someone else took.

I also started digging through more old poetry. Eventually I'll shake this kick, but not yet. Here's one from Amy Fleury, poet and professor at Washburn University.

At Twenty Eight- Amy Fleury

It seems I get by on more luck than sense,

not the kind brought on by knuckle to wood,

breath on dice or pennies found in the mud.

I shimmy and slip by on pure fool chance.

At turns, charmed and cursed, a girl knows romance

as coffee, red wine, and books; solitude

she counts as daylight virtue and muted

evenings, the inventory of absence.

But this is no sorry spinster story,

just the way days string together a life.

Sometimes I eat soup right out of the pan.

Sometimes I don’t care if I will marry.

I dance in my kitchen on Friday nights,

singing like only a lucky girl can.

Current music discoveries: Lindsey Cook, Fionn Regan, and Sara Bareilles. Love love love.

How I spent my day

I watched a lot of Office videos on YouTube.

Because I am unemployed.

Discovery Day

I found these pictures and lots of others on deviantART.com. It's a fantastic website with amazing photographs that are added daily. I went to try to find a picture to start my poetry project, but I found so many that I think I can decorate the rest of our apartment with them. I've always loved using photographs as inspiration for my writing. All of my poetry came from pictures at the Beach Museum, or the Strecker-Nelson gallery in Manhattan. It makes me want to actually do something with my camera, and make the photos more personal, but then I think that maybe my talent lies in writing something based on a photographer's vision. Who knows. I could just be lazy. But it's been a wonderful day, roaming around the many pages of deviantART. If you get some time, I suggest checking it out.

Also today I finally customized my homepage. I know, quite productive. The good news is that I'm plugged into a poetry network so I can get fresh ideas and poems each day, just by opening Mozilla. The internet is beautiful. I liked this one quite a bit. It's how I've been feeling lately.

Blues- Elizabeth Alexander

I am lazy, the laziest
girl in the world. I sleep during
the day when I want to, ’til
my face is creased and swollen,
’til my lips are dry and hot. I
eat as I please: cookies and milk
after lunch, butter and sour cream
on my baked potato, foods that
slothful people eat, that turn
yellow and opaque beneath the skin.
Sometimes come dinnertime Sunday
I am still in my nightgown, the one
with the lace trim listing because
I have not mended it. Many days
I do not exercise, only
consider it, then rub my curdy
belly and lie down. Even
my poems are lazy. I use
syllabics instead of iambs,
prefer slant to the gong of full rhyme,
write briefly while others go
for pages. And yesterday,
for example, I did not work at all!
I got in my car and I drove
to factory outlet stores, purchased
stockings and panties and socks
with my father’s money.
To think, in childhood I missed only
one day of school per year. I went
to ballet class four days a week
at four-forty-five and on
Saturdays, beginning always
with plie, ending with curtsy.
To think, I knew only industry,
the industry of my race
and of immigrants, the radio
tuned always to the station
that said, Line up your summer
job months in advance. Work hard
and do not shame your family,
who worked hard to give you what you have.
There is no sin but sloth. Burn
to a wick and keep moving.
I avoided sleep for years,
up at night replaying
evening news stories about
nearby jailbreaks, fat people
who ate fried chicken and woke up
dead. In sleep I am looking
for poems in the shape of open
V’s of birds flying in formation,
or open arms saying, I forgive you, all.

Olive juice

These are my new roomies. Well, Beau doesn't technically live there, but he's an honorary roommate. And he doesn't use our shower, so he's even a welcome house guest. Hailey tried her first triathlon last weekend and they bought these cool helmets for the cause. She didn't finish because she wrecked her bike, but now they're training for a marathon. I don't know how I end up living with these people. It has not deterred me from my jalapeno chip diet.



This is my new friend Kristin Smith. She's Rachael's hometown bff, which makes her my honorary bff. We're both going to be in Rachael's wedding. I'm guessing that Rachael gets engaged in the next month. But I'm bad luck, so I'm just happy that they're still together. Oh, and Kristin is super cool. She has an affinity for Joe Vossen as well.



These are the old school and the new school Manhattan best friends. Rachael is my undergrad best friend, and Amanda is my big kid best friend. She is now an Admissions Rep for K-State and has a job with health benefits. She even has to wear panty hose to work every day. But still, she gets dressed up to go out and she looks like a sixth grader. This is why I love her. Also, she dates people with weird names. Like Ronald, Walter, Bud, and Henry.




This is why Rachael and I are best friends. Her roommate has this fancy Pampered Chef can opener that we could not for the life of us figure out. After twenty minutes we called her roommate and tried to get instructions over the phone. After fifteen more minutes and a very bent can top, we found an old rusty can opener and pried it open with our fingers. This is why we can't have nice things. Who would've thought that there was another person out there who was unable to open a can? This is why best friends are such blessings. It's the olive juice moments.

I spent the last five days in Manhattan. But if anyone runs into Jenny Regier, I spent the last six days in Manhattan, without email access. Thanks for playing along.

So I went to Manhattan and had a wonderful time. Maybe it's because it's the summer and my friends don't have a million club/school/job/greek commitments, but a group of us got together every night and had a great time. I came home today feeling really happy, the happiest I've felt in a long time. I spent the majority of last year wondering if I would ever make friends, and now, after being away a month and getting some perspective, I've realized that they've been there all along. I think that I will continually look back on this summer and find out just how beneficial it has been.

But anyway, we had a splendid time. Friday night we went to McAlister's for dinner, and then the big kids went to Aggieville for drinks. Poor Amanda is not adjusting to Manhattan bars after being in Italy for six weeks. Then Saturday Rachael and I blew off the wedding and had a lounge day full of macaroni and cheese and season one of The Office. Rachael had not been introduced to the employees of Dunder Mifflin, aka, my favorite fictional friends. Nothing gives me greater joy than to introduce The Office to someone new. I've even got Hailey and Beau hooked because there was nothing else for them to watch over lunch. I feel like I'm a messenger of joy, in a way.

Then, Saturday night we were supposed to go the jazz festival, but of course there was a mini microburst right over the park which ruined both of the sound boards an hour before we were supposed to go. So after standing in the Delta Sig parking lot for about 45 minutes, we caught some other disappointed jazz festers and went to dinner. Saturday night was full of Apples to Apples and a new friend was made, so definitely a success. Everyone Derek knows is funny. How can that be?

Sunday I slept for a long time, comforted Hailey when she got back from the triathlon (she didn't finish because she wrecked her bike and the chain broke. It was not fun) and had dinner and drinks with Eddie. Then, I am ashamed to admit it, I watched "Stomp the Yard" with Rachael and her sister and didn't hate it as much as I should've. At least I didn't get sucked in to watching "Material Girls."

Monday was a productive day, and I got to finally hear all of Amanda's Italy stories. All of my friends are either getting back from studying abroad or leaving to study, and I feel so blessed to live vicariously through them. The plan is to be crazy thrifty this year and go to Europe next summer before grad school. If you see me spending money, please stop me. She had an amazing time and came back a much more relaxed person, which will be good now that she is an AR. Half of my friends are also getting big kid jobs, or getting engaged, or going ring shopping. I know that I should be used to it, but it's still weird to talk realistically about wedding colors.

Tuesday was the BBQ, which was amazing, and further proof that this is going to be the best year yet. We have an awesome tailgating group lined up, and Rachael's house is the perfect location. I'm really excited to make the most of this last year.

It's nice to be back, but it was so good to be in Manhattan. School starts in a month and two days, but I don't have anything to do in the meantime. I hope you are all enjoying the last few weeks of your summer as well!

Just for you, BIL

Today, Matthew, Abby and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie. We all hated it. And yet, it's getting great reviews. I don't think it stands on its own. Not as a story, or a movie, or anything, really. So why the positive reviews? I understand that it has to be cut down, because it is a beast of a book. I can even handle some of the changes that eliminate unnecessary extra characters. But to me, it felt too rushed, too incomplete, too different, and too dark. Don't people watch the movies to see Ron and Hermione make funny comments and fight with each other? Don't people want to see all of the magic that goes on in Hogwarts instead of the dark and dangerous?

Perhaps I have just fallen into the very common trap of getting too excited about a movie. But who goes to a movie on a whim? You pay the money because it's something that you're really excited to see. So excited, that by the time you get there, you are ultimately disappointed because nothing could possibly reach the great level of expectation that you had.

It's frustrating.

But at least we had lunch afterward, and I found out that Matthew has a crush on Hermione.

Summer tunes

One of the many things that I enjoy about driving to Manhattan and back is the opportunity to make a new cd. Unlike my peers, I still operate in the mixed cd and tape adaptor world of car stereos. After extensive myspace research and internet stalking, I have assembled my summer mix for 2007. Are we listening to the same people? Are there people that I should be listening to? Share the wealth and let me know who I should be tuning in to. I've been reduced to adding Zach Braff as a friend on myspace, just so I can check his profile to see what song he has currently uploaded. It's a sad state. But I have him to thank for the discovery of Priscilla Ahn, Schuyler Fisk, and Colbie Caillat. Well, him and the Hotel Cafe tour. Anyway, here's the list.

Summer Mix 2007

Realize- Colbie Caillat
Suzie Blue- Ben Harper
Thinking of You- Molly Jenson
Turpentine- Brandi Carlile
Die Alone- Ingrid Michaelson
The Little Things- Colbie Caillat
Going Home- MoZella
Hey There Delilah- Plain White T's
Rain- Patty Griffin
Tennessee- The Wreckers
The Hat- Ingrid Michaelson
The Ghost of Corporate Future- Regina Spektor
I Don't Think So- Priscilla Ahn
Far Away- Ingrid Michaelson
Simple as it Should Be- Tristan Prettyman
Blessed- Brett Dennen
Run- Snow Patrol
Bubbly- Colbie Caillat
Replay- Maria Taylor
Are We Different- Priscilla Ahn
Cigarettes- The Wreckers
Rowing Song- Patty Griffin
And You Were- Molly Jenson

Here we go again

The word on the street is that all the cool kids are on blogger. And now that all of my readers are officially on blogger, I decided to finally join the party. So raise your glass to blog three, which will hopefully contain less relationship pondering and more creative writing. We'll see.

So to begin and conclude, here's a poem that I found while digging through my first blog. Enjoy.

Untitled- heard on Def Jam back in 2003

"I want a love like,
Me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love, or
Me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love, or
Hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love, or
Seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name and,
I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage.

See, I want a love that makes me wait until she's asleep and then wonder if she's dreaming about us being in love type love, or
Who loves the other more, or
What she's doing at this exact moment, or
Slow-dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, and,
I love not knowing where this love is headed type love, and check this:

I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love, and
Not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love I have about her and,
Hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel, and
I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the same way I made fun of them when they went through the same kinda love type love,

Only difference is, this is one of those real love type loves
And just like in high school, I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying anything, and then fall asleep, and then wake up with her right next to me!
And, smell her all up in my covers type love, and
I wanna try counting the ways I love her and then lose count in the middle just so I have to start all over again, and

I wanna celebrate one of those "one month anniversaries", even though they ain't REALLY anniversaries, but doing it just 'cuz it makes her happy type love, and
Check this:

I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her numbers dial in type love, and
Talk to you until I lose my breath,
She leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I,
Inhale all of her back in to me.
I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to somethin that allows me to talk to her longer cuz, in all honesty,
I wanna avoid one of them "high cell-phone bill" type loves, and

I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are,
I mean the lines of my hands don't give me enough time to love you as much as I'd like to type love, and
I want a love that makes me st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love, and
I want a love that makes me wanna cut off all my hair.

Well, well maybe not ALL of the hair, maybe I cut the split-ends and trim my mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her, and

I kinda feel comfortable now, so
I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and then, somehow meet up with you and fall in love with you in a different language just to see if it still feels the same type love.

I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is.
But I'm married, so...she's gonna be the one I share this love with."