Yesterday, three things happened that made me feel like I was disappearing.
First, I sat down in class. In this class, we sit in a big circle. The desks are suffocatingly close together. And every day I go to class and hold my breath, hoping that I will get through the hour without having to enter into any awkward socialization with my classmates. Except for the boy who smells good. I hope that he talks to me. Anyway, yesterday, I sat down and the two grad students on either side of me started a conversation across me. With their elbows on my desk, completely blocking me from existence. Uncomfortable. Invisible.
Number two: At the end of class, the boy sitting next to me got up, flipped his backpack over his shoulder and his strap hit me in the face. But of course, no one seemed to notice. Then good smelling boy got up and crossed the room... to talk to girl on the other side of me. Strike 120.
Number three: After a frustrating day, I started walking home, only to round the corner and be hit in the face again with the arm of some guy's sweatshirt. He at least noticed that his sweatshirt hit something, but didn't acknowledge me.
It's interesting, because when I'm at the grocery store, getting a salad, for example, I hate it when there are people behind me that are waiting for me to finish. If someone comes up next to me, part of me wants to just abandon the whole thing and go look at the potatoes until they all go away. But the second that I start becoming so invisible that people hit me in the face and not notice... well, that's not really what I'm going for.
2 comments:
Part of me really wants to not leave a comment at all because I think that it would be funny and ironic, but also a bit mean.
So I didn't do it.
Thank you. I kept comforting myself by thinking that people were neglecting to comment because of that. It's still nicer to have comments.
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